"What about my contacts?"
"I just made some new friends!"
"What will I be missing out on?
The reality was Facebook was no longer serving me anymore. I felt pressure to have my Facebook account represent all that I was and should be. That it should be the "home base" for all that was "me". But it all felt very shallow. The depth of my relationships were something that couldn't be shared in this format.
I still sometimes catch myself thinking "Oh, I should post that on Facebook!" but I stop and think, "Who am I posting this for? What exactly do I want from this?" The answers were shallow and had to do with feeding the very ego I wanted to kill in the first place, instead of creating an authentic connection.
I have also learned how much Facebook can be used to hide and distort reality. For example, my boyfriend got out of a relationship where he felt like his entire life was on Facebook for everyone to see. Well... the part of life his ex wanted people to see. A well constructed lie to hide a seriously broken and unhealthy relationship. I was friends with him on Facebook and I believed the lie... for the most part. Things felt "off" about the whole thing but I couldn't put my finger on it, and it wasn't any of my business. Then, exactly one year ago today, fate pushed us together and I later learned the truth. The way this other person portrayed the relationship on Facebook was...disturbing compared to the ugly reality of what was happening. Sure, relationship problems should not be posted, but this was more of a desperate attempt to make the "world" believe she was living a magical love story, when, in fact, he felt trapped in a nightmare.
The disconnect of what was really happening and what was being posted really upset me. I asked myself, why? I have finally come to the conclusion that constructing a fake Facebook life was a big fear of mine. One I was afraid could easily happen to me. I don't want that. I want REAL life. I want to find my truth. I don't want a "wall" full of pictures featuring well rehearsed poses. I want memories. Memories of smells and tastes and textures and colors. Of happy days and passion filled nights.
My boyfriend and I have been together a few months short of a year. By together I don't mean boyfriend and girlfriend, but by companions helping each other heal and find our way. We have already had many wonderful adventures and memories. Many happy days spent with friends and family. Many passion filled nights who's details will remain between us... and his unfortunate neighbor with the thin walls. Sorry, dude. So for now I'll continue to create memories with my loved ones. Without Facebook.
Yeah... no thank you.
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